Sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I really wonder, am I fit to belong to this world? I have tried so hard to prove that I am capable of doing it, yet I still lose out.
I can appeared happily infront of you, yet you are unable to see the sad side of me. I tend to keep things deep in my heart. Others think that I am extrovert. I hope to be one too.
Sometimes I really wonder, what have I really learnt for these past few years? I have been attending 3+ years of dancing lessons, exposing myself to performances and competitions. I have achieved Gold award during the SYF, or rather the dance troupe did it.
But why? Why did I failed this time? For a dancer to be rejected by a dance instructor, the feeling is just like stabbing me with multiple knives and rubbing salt onto it. You think I dun wanna grab the chance? You think I just learn for fun? I can be ambitious at times. Trying to prove myself that I am able to do things. Trying to give myself a chance to convince myself. But, I am still a loser.
I hate the feeling when everyone is being included, except you. I hate the feeling when others look at you the way they think that you are lousy and unqualified. I hate the feelings to be classified. I simply hate myself.
Sometimes I really wonder, why am I born in this family? Why cant I be born in a much more well-off family. At least, I get to learn piano, violin or even ballet when I was young. Are all these meant to be fated?
Why am I still struggling for a degree when I cant even find a proper job even if I get a third class honours for it? I hope to aim high. I must aim high. I told myself to work harder, yet I am always cooped up with stuffs that I dun even wish to do in the first place. Hard work dun always paid off.
Sometimes I really wonder, who will be the one who truly loves me? When is he going to appear? Why am I waiting here like a fool? Why are all my friends basking in love but not me. I am no longer a teenager this year. Few more years ahead, I will be in the mid 30s. 9 more years to go. Time passes very quickly. When will he appears?
I hate myself, when I dun have the courage to tell I like you. I hate you, when you dun have to courage to say you like me. I hate you, when you dun even give us a chance to fall in love. I simply hate you.
Sometimes I really wonder, am I thinking too much? Maybe you really treat me as one of your buddies. The word "love" has never ever crossed you mind to me before. I dun wish to think too much, yet another one came into the picture. I really think too much.
I am not happy today. I tried to enjoy myself by singing songs. Yet, the more songs I heard, the more things I recalled. Elva's MTV shown on the screen. She was dancing marvellous, yet I was sitting down, feeling rejected. I started to hate myself dancing. Maybe I should just quit.
Forget it. Things tend to come when you dun want them to. And things tend not to come, when you want them to. My life sucks.
Time: 2.27 AM.
I can appeared happily infront of you, yet you are unable to see the sad side of me. I tend to keep things deep in my heart. Others think that I am extrovert. I hope to be one too.
Sometimes I really wonder, what have I really learnt for these past few years? I have been attending 3+ years of dancing lessons, exposing myself to performances and competitions. I have achieved Gold award during the SYF, or rather the dance troupe did it.
But why? Why did I failed this time? For a dancer to be rejected by a dance instructor, the feeling is just like stabbing me with multiple knives and rubbing salt onto it. You think I dun wanna grab the chance? You think I just learn for fun? I can be ambitious at times. Trying to prove myself that I am able to do things. Trying to give myself a chance to convince myself. But, I am still a loser.
I hate the feeling when everyone is being included, except you. I hate the feeling when others look at you the way they think that you are lousy and unqualified. I hate the feelings to be classified. I simply hate myself.
Sometimes I really wonder, why am I born in this family? Why cant I be born in a much more well-off family. At least, I get to learn piano, violin or even ballet when I was young. Are all these meant to be fated?
Why am I still struggling for a degree when I cant even find a proper job even if I get a third class honours for it? I hope to aim high. I must aim high. I told myself to work harder, yet I am always cooped up with stuffs that I dun even wish to do in the first place. Hard work dun always paid off.
Sometimes I really wonder, who will be the one who truly loves me? When is he going to appear? Why am I waiting here like a fool? Why are all my friends basking in love but not me. I am no longer a teenager this year. Few more years ahead, I will be in the mid 30s. 9 more years to go. Time passes very quickly. When will he appears?
I hate myself, when I dun have the courage to tell I like you. I hate you, when you dun have to courage to say you like me. I hate you, when you dun even give us a chance to fall in love. I simply hate you.
Sometimes I really wonder, am I thinking too much? Maybe you really treat me as one of your buddies. The word "love" has never ever crossed you mind to me before. I dun wish to think too much, yet another one came into the picture. I really think too much.
I am not happy today. I tried to enjoy myself by singing songs. Yet, the more songs I heard, the more things I recalled. Elva's MTV shown on the screen. She was dancing marvellous, yet I was sitting down, feeling rejected. I started to hate myself dancing. Maybe I should just quit.
Forget it. Things tend to come when you dun want them to. And things tend not to come, when you want them to. My life sucks.
Time: 2.27 AM.
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